"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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