My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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