Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
