Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
