Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize