see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
