to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
