I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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