so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I didn't notice because vodka
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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