i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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