Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize