this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
