Fuck appropriateness.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
