end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
