Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
