you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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