he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
