I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think your dad took our porno
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
