mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
