I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
