Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She needs sedatives and a leash
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
