her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
