My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
