ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You're my little dorito
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
