I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
