"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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