he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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