Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
