She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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