the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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