My room smells like vodka and shame
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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