Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
