I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
