For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
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Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
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I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
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