Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
