You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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