Yo dont text me then not text me
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
