I wish I could teleport
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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