I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
