That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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