just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
