Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
