Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
