Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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