just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
