im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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