Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hippo gnu deer
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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