"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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