my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
