it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
