That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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