tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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