my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
