mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
