ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
