Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
