i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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