I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Panties = found
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