I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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