i think my mom watched the whole time
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
