My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
