Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize