Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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