I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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