Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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