Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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