Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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