if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
