I'd wear matching sweaters with you
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
