from now on my penis is your penis
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
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You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome