Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!