I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations