Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
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I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.