im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
She's the barista slut.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets