he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
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Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."