hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.