i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey